Dear Chainsaw Guy,
I don't like you. As I sit here on my computer I hear you busily sawing away at God know what's left. It used to be so peaceful here. A still and silent woodland beside my home. I do appreciate that you bought two lots and built your house on the furthest from me, so I don't have your house right on top of mine. I gave you leeway from judgment in making our long time neighbor move his entire septic system over 5 inches because it was too close to your property line, only because of that tiny bit of privacy you allowed me. But...since then you have slowly chipped away at the giant wall of vegetation that we nurtured alongside our house. You argued with our other neighbor about the ten foot strip between the properties that he actually does own, until he proved it to you. But even now, I hear you sneakily buzzing away at it in installments.You have encroached on my Sleeping Beauty bramble defense until holes have appeared here and there, western sun peeking through and assaulting the windows on the shady side of my home. I can see your house. It's very nice actually, I like that you used wood and a tin roof instead of the trauma of endless pink stucco, but truly, I don't want to look at your house. Thanks anyway. And your noise, it blasts threw my windows. Every Sunday. These days, all week long through Saturday, the sound of construction on these giant ass houses rings through my life like the death knell of all tranquility, until Sunday. Ah, Sunday, the day of rest. Sunday when they go home and you? You get out your everlasting chainsaw. Due to the day when I was attempting to relax and read by my pool and you suddenly stopped just at the moment I proclaimed, "What the hell could be left for him to cut down?!"I sometimes wonder if you do it on purpose. Screw you Chainsaw Guy. I sometimes fantasize about getting out my BB gun on my balcony and bouncing some pings off your ass, from my newly cleared view. I also entertain using that Bose system my husband has and opening up the French doors and serenading you with music. But I can't decide which would suit you best. Some Christian tunes or maybe Metallica? Polkas might fun too. We'll see. My children swear on their honor that none of them used the fluorescent green spray paint across the side of our fence facing your yard that spells out, "Go Away". Sooo, it's obviously not just us. I also have no intention of ever painting my fence. EVER, Chainsaw Guy. So you just keep cutting. Enjoy that view. When I get old I'm planning on dying my hair bright red and wearing funky colorful outfits and starting a cat sanctuary. I'll sit on a plastic lawn chair on my side balcony, maybe with some bourbon, and belt some show tunes.
I'll see you then Chainsaw Guy. Right through that fine clearing you made.
Copyright 2011-2015 All Rights Reserved By Ms. G.
I am pro-BB gun and pro-show tunes. When can I come over with my PA and Mrs Roper-like finery and belt out some hopelessly out of key numbers from Company?
ReplyDeleteAny time Honey! The more the merrier : )
DeletePolkas. Definitely polkas. And a slingshot (easier to hide under your chair cushion when he spins around to look). Asshat.
ReplyDeleteA Slingshot!!!! Perfect. : )
DeleteBless your heart! Is nothing sacred anymore?!?
ReplyDeleteHe's a real piece of work. As I sit here today he's having the city dig up a water pipe and move it because part of it is on his Empty Lot.
ReplyDeleteWhat the everloving hell? Our neighbors, across the street, chopped down THREE BEAUTIFUL old trees to have a brick deck put up. And now we can all stare at them sitting on top of it like some grand poobas.
ReplyDeleteSounds familiar. After this post he topped off his performance by having a tree service chop up one of the beautiful old oaks we have here!
ReplyDeletei second the slingshot. i think you should mix up the music. metallica into mama mia into christmas carols then maybe some drum line. keep it classy. keep your camera with you and just start snapping pictures in his direction constantly. you could also take up the cymbals. get creative momma.
ReplyDeleteasshat. for sure.