I Barely Escaped With My Life. Or a pillow.. or something like that

A little while ago I pulled the couch away from the wall a few inches to smooth back the cover. Then I pushed it back but not all the way so it wouldn't hit the wall and pull the curtain. Then I noticed a throw pillow was missing. I didn't see it when I smoothed the cover. Had it been resting on the back and fallen over? There wasn't enough room was there? But I got on my knees on the couch and put my eye up to the crack. Sure enough, the pillow was down there. So I stuck my arm behind the couch and grabbed the pillow. And pulled up. And my elbow stuck. It fit down but wouldn't come back. And I couldn't pull the couch out. Because I was kneeling on it. And no one else was here. I couldn't reach my phone to call 911. I peeked out the window to see if my new neighbors were in their driveway, because for some reason they are always in the driveway,  so I could scream for help, but for some reason they weren't. Maybe because it was about lunch time.  The SeaMonkey was out of town and wouldn't be home until.....at least one o'clock. I was already in the position for prayer and I thought, OMG I'm going to die here! Trapped with my arm behind the couch. I'll waste away from starvation. I haven't had lunch yet. I considered the possibility of chewing my arm off. Therefore killing two birds with one stone but that would be messy and I just finished vacuuming.  I called my dog for help.  Help! I cried, come save mommy! I figured being 135 pounds, he was close enough to a St. Bernard to rescue me but all he did was jump on the couch. And add weight to it. He didn't even have the courtesy to be wearing some handy rum to steady my nerves. Or knock me out so I didn't notice starving to death with my arm trapped behind the couch. I couldn't bear the thought of my family coming upon me, skin and bones, hanging limp from the back of the couch and besides, I was wearing a sundress and was afraid it would creep up when I collapsed, thereby adding embarrassment to my demise, when they called the fire department to bring the jaws of life, only to free my lifeless body,  and cause my family shame for decades to come. So I took a deep breath and with all my might I used my body to scoot the couch away from the wall and free myself with moves that would do credit to The National One Armed Cheerleading Squad Hall of Fame....Well... it should exist....and lived to tell my tale to future generations so that they will be aware of the perils of couch climbing alone ...and had some lunch.


I looked something like this. Sure I did......

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