So. I break the cardinal rule of good diet by snacking. After bedtime. Every night. Now granted bedtime is 7PM because it is not sleeptime but readtime for a few hours. I suffer from rotten imsomnia and have basically been nocturnal since I was a child. It's a struggle. The SeaMonkey (who can't surf anymore, by the way, because he had the big knee blowout a few years ago and now is more of a Bicycle Monkey) is an early to bed morning person. (To catch the best waves you know (before))
So he drifts off around nine and I have to be very still and quiet so I can keep the light on and not kicked out. Once I'm kicked out I'm up all night. So anyway. I read. And I snack.
Early on I have something salty. Usually Cheez Itz, sometimes pretzels. Then around 10 I want chocolate. Now I used to eat cookies. Chocolate chip cookies to be exact and I would clean out half a bag in the time it took for my body to say, "no more chocolate". A couple years ago I had an idea and it works great. I eat m&m's. One at a time. I let them melt slowly and then finish the shells off with tiny crunches. This way I can eat chocolate for an hour with minimum impact.
So a couple nights ago I was reading and melting my m&ms. I started to doze off, which doesn't happen often but when it does it's sudden. I didn't want to sleep. It was the first quiet time I had all day because I'm married and because I have a sister and because even though my 3 daughters are grown woman they still never shut up. So I needed that peace. My eyes snapped open and I thought, No! I want to read some more. Its only a quarter after 11. So I sat up and popped an m&m and preoceeded to read....until I snapped awake again. Because I couldn't breathe. And I thought, oh shit, now I did it. I started to get up and moved in an alarming enough manner to wake the princess and the pea next to me. "are you OK? Vigorously shake my head no. Asks me again. Shake my head. Asks me FOUR times while I keep pointing at myself and vigorously shaking my head. So he finally springs to action and proceeds to perform an approximation of the Heimlich maneuver that was really more grabbing me around the stomach and bouncing me up and down. Luckily, I did not die but I did pee myself a little. Then I finished my m&m.
Now he says I'm not allowed to eat m&m's in bed anymore. This is an outrage. It's an excellent diet plan. I say, he needs to learn a proper Heimlich for pete's sake. We've been arguing about it for 2 days. It was not my fault or the m&m's fault. It was the books fault. It was boring. I've read it before and it's okay and it was handy but mostly I was just bored. The book is to blame. That's my verdict. Even though I had to get up and sit on then floor next to the bed last night to eat my m&m's.
We've been married like 38 years, these things happen. Compromise. I think he's just trying to get me out of there so he can sleep. Or make me stop eating chocolate. Oh hell no.
M&M's Forever!
